One Insulting Evening

[Guest Monster]

There are those moments where any trace of true grace abandons me. But none greater than the following:

To set the stage, I had been carpooling to work with an old friend for more than a year. One day, when it was her turn to drive, she picked me up and already had a passenger. He was known to me from a position I had in the company years earlier. We were friends then and I saw no reason not to assume all was the same between us and with us.

Unfortunately, as I would soon discover, I knew nothing about this person anymore. As we entered traffic, I began to tell about my day. It had been particularly brutal, as had been the last several months - thanks to some business transformation pains. My language was a little colorful. To this, my carpooler advised me that the other person may not appreciate my language. I had never known this to be true - and in fact scoffed at the notion. "Not from what I recall" I said. Then proceeded to recall that he could throw the colorful language around himself - back in the day. To this he informed me, that as he had gotten back to his religion upon marriage, he would prefer I tone it down.

I looked for something else to talk about. I seized upon his marriage - something I would not have known about until this moment. Then I proceeded to tell him how happy I was for him - given that, in the day, his heart had been broken by his then girlfriend (insert a few choice words about the way she treated him) and I ended it by saying: "I'm soo glad you are away from her." To which he replied: "Actually, we got back together, she's now my wife."

It continues............

I glanced out the window to see a car alongside us. I won't go into make/color - for fear of offending anyone else - but it was a certain color scheme about which I remarked: "Who would buy a (insert car name here) in that color? To which my - probably now former friend - remarked: "Actually, I just bought a (car name) in that same color scheme with those same wheels."

There was nothing to say. I was mortified. My carpooler was about to jerk the wheel into the bridge support to end my suffering. She was somewhere between crying and hysterical laughter. This had all transpired within two minutes!

My former coworker and friend was cool and collected - but certainly serious in all his answers!

This could not have been worse! I managed to offend, insult and make a complete you-know-what of myself in the matter of these two minutes.

I found out later his only comment was: "Well, he hasn't changed". Not sure what that says about me?

Not sure this belongs under "humor" - but I am assured by those that know the story (other than those present) that it is funny - to anyone who wasn't there.

[actuarysmith]

I had a very much needed laugh at your expense. Thank you for sharing this story!

I have had a day or two much like you described. Mine involved three different sets of people over the course of a few hours, so maybe it wasn't as bad.

1. I had a conversation in the men's room that I thought was private. Much to my dismay one of the stalls was not empty after all! The person in the stall was not necessarily the topic of conversation, but was related to the issue we were discussing. It was a very ackward moment when the third person emerged to wash their hands.

2. An hour later I was on the elevator. I made the classic mistake of asking a complete stranger "when she was due". Turns out she was not pregnant! I NEVER ask that question anymore.

3. About an hour later, on the elevator again, I commented to a complete stranger about how cute her little daughter was, and I asked how old she (the daughter) was- Turns out the daughter was actually a son!!

I don't say much to women on elevators anymore...................

[Guest KMiller]

That was funny...got any more entertaining stories??