Guest Just Visiting Posted December 24, 2002 Share Posted December 24, 2002 I took these from Plansponsor.com (to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen) God Vest Ye Fully Enron men And save your 401(k) You trusted your retirement to Andy Fastow and Ken Lay And now you will be toiling until your dying day It’s a good thing you love your job so well, Why didn’t you sell? It’s a good thing you love your job so well. (to the tune of I’ll Be Home for Christmas)[/b I’ll amend by Christmas— You can count on me— All your plans for EG-TR-RA, Drafted so carefully. Christmas Eve will find me Typing busily I’ll amend by Christmas Although it tortures me. (To the tune of Silent Night) Privacy, Security, EDI, transaction sets. Who’d have guessed back in ‘96 HIPAA would give us such fits? Just extend the deadlines, please, We’re begging on bended knees. ((To the tune of Jingle Bells) Skimming through the regs, Reading through my files, Every week it seems, They add more to my piles. Congress just can’t stop Adding to this mess, And although I wish they would, The agencies won’t rest. Oh, EG-TR-RA, HIPAA, too, Change tables for mortality, required distribution rules, Sarbanes-Ox-a-ley. Oh, SPD content rules, Blackout notices, Indexed limits change again, So does EPCRS. Just about the time I read a rule’s proposed And just when I am sure I’ve nailed it on the nose. I open BenefitsLink Aren’t I the fool, It seems that they have published A revised interim final rule. Yeah, HRAs, IRAs, Waive the excise tax, 30 year Treasury rate, file urgent claims by fax. Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way, Oh what fun it is to work In the benefits field today. (to the tune of Jingle Bells) Amending all our plans Checking every clause Signing on the dotted line Complying with the laws Our actuary says It’ll cost an arm and leg To change our plan design- So I guess we’ll just have to beg Oh – Legal bills! Legal bills! Congress strikes again Just when GUST is going out, EGTRRA’s coming in Oh – Legal bills! Legal bills! Piled up by the score Just when you thought you were done Hey – Here come some more! (To the tune of O Come, O Come, Emanuel) O Come, O Come, Saint Alan Greenspan And save our bacon, you’re our man Take pity on us in our sad plight And make our 401(k) accounts take flight Reduce! Reduce! Those interest rates While we go spend our income tax rebates (to the tune of Silver Bells) Your plan is broken – time to fix it You’ve been doing things wrong Why not seek some compliance resolution? Self-correction, VCS or file for VCO now It could be your only solution I – R – S I – R – S They’re processing your application Write a check- What the heck- It beats disqualification (to the tune of Jingle Bells) My health plan’s not the best – I feel so depressed My 401(k) sank – I’ve no money in the bank I think I need some Prozac For my anxiety attack My state of mind is scarin’ me- I need some mental health parity! Special enrollments, mental health Maternity hospital stay Coverage certificates- That’s H-I-P-A-A! Oh-special enrollments, mental health Maternity hospital stay, Coverage certificates- That’s H-I-P-A-A! (to the tune of I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas) I’m dreaming of a new tax bill Just like the ones I used to know I’ve a fatal attraction For Congressional action With acronyms all lined up in a row I’m dreaming of a new tax bill With every pension plan I write May your 401(k)’s be healthy and rise And may all next year’s tax bills be wise (to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas) We wish you a big fat health plan We wish you a big fat health plan We wish you a big fat health plan With un – managed care And a health FSA for you and your kin To pay for Viagra and for liposuction! We wish you a funded pension We wish you a funded pension We wish you a funded pension And a Roth IRA And a generous match with no ACP test And big profit sharing with immediate vest! We wish you a top-hat SERP plan We wish you a top-hat SERP plan We wish you a top-hat SERP plan With a rabbi trust And a gold parachute in case you should fall And retiree health benefits to cover you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david rigby Posted December 24, 2002 Share Posted December 24, 2002 To be fair, this came from the 12/24/02 online edition of plansponsor.com, crediting "Anonymous sources at the Portland Chapter of the Western Pension and Benefits Conference have contributed a little holiday "spirit" for all of us to share." I'm a retirement actuary. Nothing about my comments is intended or should be construed as investment, tax, legal or accounting advice. Occasionally, but not all the time, it might be reasonable to interpret my comments as actuarial or consulting advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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