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JanetM

DUI Texas style

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DUI - TEXAS STYLE

From a county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas . After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--they worked fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when he was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

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Guest Sieve

And then there's the one about the Brit, visiting the US for the first time, who finds himself at a Dallas bar. He orders a hamburger & beer, hoping that they are, in fact, immense as he had been told all things in TX are. To his delight, the hamburger contains about 2 pounds of meat, and the beer is served in a 64-ounce mug. He works on his meal for 45 minutes and eats as much as he can, but leaves a little room for dessert--and, as he had hoped, his banana split is made with 3 bananas, 8 scoops of ice cream, and more toppings than you can imagine.

About half-way through dessert, nature calls and our visitor asks where the bathroom is. "Down the hall, second door on the right," says the barkeep. Well, our hearty eater, a wee bit tipsy and filled with food to the brim, mistakenly takes the second door on the left, and falls into the indoor swimming pool. As he comes up for air, thrashing furiously, he screams "DON'T FLUSH IT!!"

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