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Lame Duck

What Happened to Humor?

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This Forum used to brighten my day every time I checked it. At this time of the year, we can all use a good laugh to lighten the mood. Tom Poje was always good for a few chuckles. Anybody have anything?

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For those of us who still have documents to get out

‘Twas the night before New Year’s

Called New Year’s Eve

All the office was rushing

It caused quite a breeze.

I need an amendment!

I need a new plan!

The requests just kept coming

Again and again.

I need it today!

I need it this hour!

And the documents group

Just sits there and glowers.

I heard that they left

In a big funk

Either that or they’re out

Just getting drunk

At the hour of twelve

It comes to an end

Until next December

When we do it again.

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Here's an old one

Mahatma Ghandi a leader in eastern religions walked barefoot and developed rather tough skin on his feet. Do to his diet and fasting often he was often in poor health and weak and had terrible breath. What was he?

Wait for it>

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Football is a simple game.

At the beginning, they flip a coin, and one team wins.

Then, for the next few hours,

they run around the field yelling, "Get the quarter back!"

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Did I ever tell you about my ex-girlfriend who worked at the mattress factory?

She got fired for sleeping on the job...

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ok, lame duck, I was trying to avoid this, but apparently I have a reputation to maintain, so here is the groaner

(with the warning not to continue, but of course at least you will ignore it)

This requires a little memory, or maybe just some initial facts:

Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer from the United States.

She won gold medals in super G at the 1998 Winter Olympics

and in downhill at 1996 World Championships, along with three other Olympic and World Championship medals

Well, now she is a nurse
currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan
hospital. When she answers the phone she says
Pi-ca-bo, I.C.U.

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  • Haha 1

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Why should you eat yeast and shoe polish at bedtime? So you can rise and shine in the morning!

(courtesy of a coworker who loves telling bad jokes, mostly because of which other coworkers it annoys!)

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UNIVERSITY X’S TOP 15 REASONS WHY MY BENEFITS ENROLLMENT IS TARDY:

  1. I had a personal audience with the Pope over Christmas week and simply must send a proper thank you note in Latin.
  2. I was counting Kardashians and their media appearances.
  3. I was brokering peace in the Middle East.
  4. I got confused about all of the medical retiree choices: Medicare, Medicaid, Medex, Medigap, Medco, Metamucil?
  5. I was cloning giant squid off of the Barrier Reef.
  6. I was finding a cure for cooties in the Sudan.
  7. I accidentally froze my enrollment form doing cold fusion and liquid nitrogen experiments.
  8. I was discovering a new fungus in the Amazon rain forest
  9. I was doing fabulous mushrooms in the Amazon rain forest
  10. I was in Stockholm accepting the Nobel Prize for Theoretical Physics (specifically "Silly String" Theory)
  11. I was in rehab with Dr. Drew, Lindsay, Charlie Sheen, ex-Congressman Weiner, Mayor Ford, The Governator, and Coach Sandusky.
  12. My lab rat ate my enrollment form
  13. I was splitting atoms in my basement and just lost track of both space and time
  14. Deadlines and rules don’t apply to me; I am a Professor.
  15. I died (but please be assured, that my Estate will be in touch to pursue further legal action).

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Can anyone explain why there are interstates in Hawaii??

Because that state wanted its share of federal pork dollars and when has things like the meaning of words ever stopped congress before?

Oh your question was supposed to be a rhetorical, joke question-- may bad! :blink:

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Why do some Americans criticize the French? If it weren't for their help during the Revolutionary War, we would all be speaking English.

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