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Tom Poje

5500 deadline humor

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I guess I can only blame myself for trying to do something like this during this insane time of trying to get so much done with so little time left. Sometimes you just don't think quite clearly...

Yesterday, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection.

When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said,

"Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to

how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!!

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Two years from now, nobody will be able to make any sense of this joke (assuming that all credit card transactions not performed using a phone app will be made using a chip on the card and not a magnetic strip).

Someone should write a book full of funny jokes that only older people will get (things like jokes about LPs and phone booths).

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As "they" said, "You ain't seen nothing yet." See attached for list I've compiled over the years. (Don't get flustered as some is local stuff that will be meaningless to you.) I won't tell you the year I was born but I will tell you if you reverse the year's digits, you'll have the year I graduated from high school at age 18, and that I was born after 1939 and before 1950.

Gone But Not Forgotten.pdf

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maybe I missed it on your list, but

in grade school, the entire class, almost in unison taking a deep breath through the nose when a test freshly run off the ditto machine was handed out

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Yes, Tom, it was found after its official name, "mimeograph." You could color your hands blue in no time from the "master," and the produced pages were nice and cold -- and yes -- you could get high from them.

Glad you brought this up because it reminded me of the gallon jar of white construction paste that was applied to heavy colored paper with a popsicle stick. Of course, it taste good, too, which made me wonder in later years why if you weren't supposed to eat it did it have a minty flavor.

Do you still write with an Estabrook?

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Great list, AtA! I'll be enjoying it in more detail this evening.

To add another age puzzle: My neighbor and I celebrate the same birth month and day, but he's young. This year his age was my birth year, and my age was his birth year (not including the 19's in 19__, of course). In a way, it was kind of a record (= obscure hint).

Hmm, guess I have a bit of an age advantage over Andy, as in being a certain age or better. Don't know that it's really better, but I pretend it is.

And how about the joys of building model cars and planes with plastic cement. Only years later, did I realize ...

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RMD's? We don't need no stinking RMD's. Still working, at least for a while yet, and waited for Senator Roth for the IRA's. :D

and my list includes Mallo Cup Money and 25 cents for a quart of A&W in a cardboard inverted cone.

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Wow - I can't remember one of those cones big enough to hold a quart! I can only think of the small ones that can a small amount of water or just enough coffee for two spoons of sugar.

Here's a couple of items that will never again be what they once were: An encyclopedia taking up an entire shelf and the new year's yellow pages.

Can't bring myself to put dictionaries there - the OED is more of a wonder of the world that a mere reference book. Here's a helpful hint: Never agree to play scrabble using the OED!

I was surprised to realize how many things on the list are still out there, if perhaps a bit retro. Like LPs and bank teller windows. And drive-thru restaurants.

Add to the list movie theaters showing just one movie at a time. The unethical out there can probably find a way to create their own "double feature" at a multiplex!

I still get my news from the daily newspaper! I just happen to read most of it the day before, when it's posted on their web site!

As for returnable bottles - in some places they require deposits on more bottles than before (think plastic water bottles).

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25 cents for a quart of A&W in a cardboard inverted cone.

The thing i remember from A&W was being served in your car by a lady on roller skates. My family stole a complete set of A & W mugs from their tiny one to their largest one. They were made from real glass. I still have them on display for the police if they want to solve the cold case from the early '70s.

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Our local A&W (closed about 40 years ago) was run by a dirty old man (or perhaps an astute businessman) who hired only the hottest, sexiest, most beautiful college girls you could find in a day's drive, and had them wear the shortest shorts imaginable. Sort of a Hooter's before its time. Needless to say, it was inundated by a horde of slobbering geeks who spent scads of money just for the eye candy. I expect the dirty old man retired wealthy.

It was also actually a good place for drive-in food, and gave you a free root beer if you were in Little League and hit a home run, so it brought in a lot of families as well.

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My recollection of A&W's is closer to Belgarath's. Sorry, ESOP Guy, but a "lady on roller skates" would mean like my Mom ... which is OK, but it's not what I saw at the A&W.

For your list, Andy, maybe add push-button controlled automatic transmissions.

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Thank you GMK. My recollection is that Plymouth was among the first cars to offer these circa 1956. The most famous was the Edsel which positioned the buttons in the center post of the stearing wheel.

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Thank you GMK. My recollection is that Plymouth was among the first cars to offer these circa 1956. The most famous was the Edsel which positioned the buttons in the center post of the stearing wheel.

I've never seen the inside of an Edsel, but I'm pretty sure they were Fords.

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We had this problem a couple of years ago when Disney installed new card swipers (I am drawing a blank on the actual name for this thing). When you swipe the card, the strip should be facing the register. Nowadays, I let the person try to figure it out, then tell them to "turn it around" if they swipe it wrong. I don't think these readers can handle the new chips, but they can read the magic bands real good!

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This was a great list! I think I am a little younger than the rest of you, being a '60s child, but I remember plenty from your list, Andy:

  • using the manual lawnmower we had to mow the lawn we had in Philly that was the size of a postage stamp.
  • party line - my grandparents shared one with my great-grandparents up the street until they sold their house in 1983. Great-grama died in 1992, so I guess that ended that. They lived in rural NE PA - farm country. My grandparents had a wringer washer (can't remember it ever being used, as Grama had a regular washer when I was little) in the basement (with a pencil sharpener attached to the staircase!), a clothesline outback and yes, they had milk delivered by the Dallas Dairy (I assume that is where the milk from our cows went)
  • Grama also had one of those old singer sewing machines that you pumped with your foot. I can't tell you what my dad did to it one night after I was out with some of his old high school buddies....
  • I spent most of my pre-collage school years in Catholic schools, so I remember when nuns actually wore habits. Some still do, it depends on the order. My aunt was in a cloister for a couple of years and they wore the full blown habit. I have to say I was working at the store one day and one of the nuns from my high school came in and I didn't recognize her out of her habit!
  • penmanship - it is so wrong that they have stopped teaching this is some places. My godson started collage this year and his handwriting is really bad.
  • I still have my 8-tracks (although nothing to play them on anymore) and LPs in various speeds: 33 1/3, 45 & 78
  • I had a pogo stick back in the '70s, had a zim-zam too - plenty of cement when I lived in the city, but not a lot of grass for the zim-zam (tall stick with a tennis ball on a rope that you and another player would hit back and forth)
  • We had Woolworth's 5 & dime in Philly, but my parents grew up in Wilkes-Barre area and they had a Kresges.
  • I didn't go to the drive in much, but I do remember the last time we went was in 1984
  • Talk about coal bins - my aunt and uncle bought a home in the poconos that they converted from a summer vacation home to a year round home. The house was built around 1914 and it did have coal heat, evidenced by all the stuff in the basement (where the servants quarters were) and the big coal bin. It was years before they converted over to electric I think. The house had 4 fireplaces and they did get a huge keroscene heater too. They bought that house in 1978.
  • I will admit that I had a 13" B&W tv that my mom bought me around 1979. That no-name brand tv was great! My mom accidently poured a drink in it one night but it kept working! I finally got rid of it when I moved in 2004.

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Andy - a spot check on Amazon shows Fizzies are for sale (though different sweetener because cyclamates are banned.

a lot of negatives comments, but amongst the 'positive'

Since I hadn't had them for 46 years, I had to taste test this product. The actual rite of passage into manhood back then was to hold a root beer Fizzy on your tongue until it was fully dissolved. You had to keep your mouth open so everyone could see you weren't cheating. So the first thing I did was the full tilt taste test. Initially, there was a hint of petrochemicals that was missing from the original product. I initially chalked that up to the missing cyclamates being replaced with this generations next marketable carcinogen, but then I realized the hint was more of a toxic dump. The formula was severely altered and it was too late. It was on my tongue and I was stuck with it. 46 years after you take the test of manhood, you can't just wuzz out. I was in for the duration. Fortunately, I survived. The next test was the dissolution factor. The tablets were thicker and smaller around but about the same mass as the originals. Not easily snapped in half like the old ones. I put a single tab in an 8 oz. glass of water and waited. Yep, just about the same amount of time to dissolve, with the finale being the last bit floating on the top while it dissolved completely. Just like back in the day. All in all the color and taste are pretty darned close to the originals, and the fun of watching it dissolve was there, too. The final test will be getting my neighbor’s kid, who is 8, to put one on his tongue. The torch must be passed, you know.

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Tom, your test of manhood sounds a lot tastier than ours was. Great story, too.

Up here in the heart of winter, the test used a twenty-below-zero flagpole or doorknob instead of Fizzies. I never took that test, which might explain why I never matured beyond the juvenile stage.

I haven't had a Mallo Cup in decades, but every once in a while I find a Walnetto, which still tastes great.

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Andy - a spot check on Amazon shows Fizzies are for sale (though different sweetener because cyclamates are banned.

a lot of negatives comments, but amongst the 'positive'

Since I hadn't had them for 46 years, I had to taste test this product. The actual rite of passage into manhood back then was to hold a root beer Fizzy on your tongue until it was fully dissolved. You had to keep your mouth open so everyone could see you weren't cheating. So the first thing I did was the full tilt taste test. Initially, there was a hint of petrochemicals that was missing from the original product. I initially chalked that up to the missing cyclamates being replaced with this generations next marketable carcinogen, but then I realized the hint was more of a toxic dump. The formula was severely altered and it was too late. It was on my tongue and I was stuck with it. 46 years after you take the test of manhood, you can't just wuzz out. I was in for the duration. Fortunately, I survived. The next test was the dissolution factor. The tablets were thicker and smaller around but about the same mass as the originals. Not easily snapped in half like the old ones. I put a single tab in an 8 oz. glass of water and waited. Yep, just about the same amount of time to dissolve, with the finale being the last bit floating on the top while it dissolved completely. Just like back in the day. All in all the color and taste are pretty darned close to the originals, and the fun of watching it dissolve was there, too. The final test will be getting my neighbor’s kid, who is 8, to put one on his tongue. The torch must be passed, you know.

Times having really changed, you might not want to try getting your neighbor's 8-year old kid to do that. At best (and let us not dwell too closely on what the worst would be), people would then be likely to pull their kids inside (assuming that they let their kids go outside in the first place) if they saw that you were passing by. Remember, these days they suspend kids from school who point a finger at someone and say "bang". And see what happens if you sternly say "be quiet!" to someone else's noisy child in a store.

I'm still shaking my head about an article I saw last week that involved a child's parents suing their child's private school because the school did nothing when told that the child was allergic to the school's WiFi signal.

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I was recently throwing away a mini-cassette recorder and had to explain to my 12 yo granddaughter what it was,. Her response was "That's cool". It seems that some kids still want to see things that are mechanical. She also has and uses a Polaroid because she and her friends want hard copies of things so that they can make notations on them etc.

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