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Stepchild and alternate recipients

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I am divorced and our QMCSO requires my ex/children's father to provide health insurance.  He does, through his wife-she carries our children (her stepchildren) on her employer's health plan.  Her employer's health plan is self-insured/self-funded.

My ex is a federal employee.  Public Law 106-394 requires him to either enroll the children under his FEHB coverage or provide documentation that he has other health coverage for the children, which he does through his wife (the children's stepmother). The children are not enrolled in FEHB or any other plan-the stepmother's plan is their only health insurance coverage.

I would like to be listed as an alternate payee for benefits for my kids on her employer policy.  Does ERISA give me that right? I think it does but stepmother's employer says it doesn't because the kids are not her dependents and QMCSO doesn't require her to carry the children on the plan.

Thanks for your help with this.

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