The Guys Side. A little hhumor for Friday

[jevd]

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys'

side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from

the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered

"1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about

you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let

it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that

way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what

we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,

all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to

act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.

Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for

example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no Idea

what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing,"

we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not

worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you

don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ...

Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss

such topics as sports, the weather, or hunting.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch

tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!

[K-t-F]

Forgot this one....

1. Beer is a food group and it is perfectly acceptable to have one in ones hand any hour of the day and any day of the week

[david rigby]

Hmmm. You are probably divorced.

[K-t-F]

Not even close... Married -5 kids- ages 1 to 18

[JanetM]

PATA, beer is three of the four food groups. Bottle, can, keg............

[Lori Friedman]

Janet, I thought the four food groups were sugar, caffeine, fat, and carbohydrates.

[JanetM]

Lori, many of my family are in law enforcement and they say it is caffine, nicotine, sugar and grease.

I like to keep my diet simple, thus the bottle, can and keg. Makes shopping a breeze, but beer and kitty litter and I am done.

[K-t-F]

According to Buddy the Elf (Will Farrell)... it is Sugar, Candy, Candy Corn, and Syrup

[Guest baxjac]

jevd, very funny. I liked the follow-up comments also.

I have not visited the message board since March 16th. I blame it on the NCAA tournament starting on the 17th.

Maybe you could add "1. The NCAA tournament is the equivalent of Sunday Sports for 10 days in mid to late March and early April"..........