Arrest Report

[Tom Poje]

Arrest report

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport

by T.S.A agents as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler,

a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said

he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with

carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said.

'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes

go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret

code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns',

but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator

of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said,

'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,

he would have given us more fingers and toes..'

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more

intelligent or profound statement by the President.

It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow---

[GMK]

Excellent report, Mr. Poje.

The plane truth is that it's a sine of the times.

[Belgarath]

Did the arrest report require a co-siner with the arresting officer?

But I'm going off on a tangent here.

[XTitan]

This is why you should never drink and derive.

[Kevin C]

The FBI just announced the arrest of three additional suspects. An unnamed highly placed source indicated that Alpha, Beta and Gamma were an integral part of the calculus plot. Authorities are said to be working to prove that A. Theorem was involved in a derivative plot.

[Tom Poje]

unfortunately 2 FBI agents lost their lives when the suspects threw a "pair a bolas" at them.

[GMK]

Whole numbers of people are working on this, including a division of the TSA looking into the roots of the radical fraction.

Apparently they can't count all the people involved because of a tally ban.

(..never drink and derive. I like it.)

[IRA]

There are numbers of imaginary reports like this. Rather than worry about things like this, I prefer to sit on my log and tap out the rhythm.

[Belgarath]

I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day...

[Guest Tom:]

Poor Isosceles being branded philanderer. I wonder what trinagle he had in mind?

[IRA]

I still say the numbers of the radical fraction involved are imaginary.