See Treasury Regulation section 1.403(b)-10©. Your description causes me to think that either (i) someone does not know the meaning of section 414(p)(4)(A), or (ii) the plan does not take a very practical approach to QDROs, but it is difficult to read between the lines. Is the administrator and employer person or an insurance company person? Subject to some unusual circumstances, the plan should (as a mattter of policy, not law) allow an alternate payee to receive the entire amount awarded as soon as practicable after the order is determined to be qualified. If that is what you want and you can't get it, I encourgage you to make youself such a pain in the ass with occcupying the plan administrator's time that the plan administrator gets some brains and figures out how to get rid of you by giving you your benefit.