Sorry RSmith, but this is just the wrong place to be trying to get an answer to your situation. Your statement of the facts is very confusing so we really don't have all the information that is needed. More importantly, you need a competent advisor (whether an ERISA attorney who thoroughly understands QDROs or an attorney who has someone - like me or any other competent QDRO person - in tow to help figure out your situation).
Whatever is said here, we just don't have the detailed understanding of the situation; free advice is worth ever penny you pay for it, but in this case, you need competent and specific advice and for that, I'm afraid, you are going to have to find competent personal advisors and not an anonymous web site.
Best of luck; QDROs can be quite complicated because of the lawyers and judges involved who just don't know what they are doing when they decide how something should be divided that can't be divided the way they decided to divide it!