Thank you, interesting story. What is your role in all of this?
From the Plan Administrator's (PA) perspective - they only review the DRO as provided and determine if it is "Qualified". Being "Qualified" has nothing to do with the separation agreement, or divorce decree, or what is said in court. It only relates to - is the split determinable and does it increase the plan's liability. I specifically tell my clients NOT to read the divorce decree or get involved of any of the "he said, she said", or probably now, "they said". None of that stuff matters in determining if a DRO is a QDRO.
The Plan should have a QDRO Procedure that is available to the member. Something the member might want to request and read. It sounds like the attorney submitted a draft to the PA for preliminary approval, but the PA said it needed additional information. So they have a DRO, but not a QDRO. The QDRO procedures will define what will happen, but typically, if nothing new comes in for the PA to approve, they will move forward and just ignore it. The Participant will receive full payments until a new DRO is submitted. At that point, the APs only option will be a shared interest QDRO on a future payment stream.
Get the QDRO Procedure - you answer should be there.