HR has stated it's up to Fidelity. They have no say in the plan.
Fidelity has stated they need a court-order. I "think" the only option would be for a QDRO, which is unfortunate when you are under financial dis-stress. Looking at the amount of taxes you would pay on taking out from the retirement is scary also...
Yea, bankruptcy isn't the worst idea but would talk with a financial planner for sure before pursuing that option.