Why does my husband want me to sign another paper allowing other peopl

[Guest Diane]

I don't know who to ask so I'm hoping somene can help me understand. I signed a prenuptial agreement in October 1997 and married in October 1998. I signed away all my rights as a spouse when it came to his money. I was not marrying him for his money so it didn't matter. I have had a hard time with his family, they didn't want their widowed father (10 years) to marry me a widow (23years). I raised my boys by myself and put myself through school. After we were married he told me to put $860 a month in a joint account to pay expenses. I live in his house. He has property and investments and is 29 years older than me. He still works full time at age 77.

He gave me a paper to sign from his daughter the lawyer. It gives them permission to determine the beneficiaries of his pension plan to be his 2 daughters and their families. The property and cars etc. will also go to them, that's fine. But what I don't understand is why after a year of marriage I have to sign it again! Is there something I need to know? I told him I wouldn't sign anymore papers because I feel his family is testing me further and I feel this is a nasty way of trying to break us up. Is there a reason I need to sign it again?

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Diane

[Larry M]

[i am NOT an attorney - so bear in mind this is a lay person's understanding of the situation.]

The pension law (commonly referred to as "ERISA") includes sections which are intended to protect the spouses of participants.

Therefore, since you are married and the retirement plan provides for annuities as one of the means of paying your husband's benefit, you must agree to any type of payment from the plan (even including a loan) which takes away any of your rights to it.

The law requires a spouse to sign this consent.

Since the pre-nuptial was signed before you were married, you were not, at that time, a "spouse". In order for you to waive your rights to the annuity, IF YOU WANT TO DO SO, you must sign the waiver while you are married to him.

There is a lot at stake here.

Consider seeing an independent attorney who is knowledgable in pension law and who does not have a conflict representing you (for example, your husband's attorney has such a conflict).

[Guest Diane]

Thank you. I do want to clarify the dates, I have a cold and couldn't think straight yesterday. We were engaged in Oct 1995, I signed the agreement in October 1996, (it took one year to write the agreement) we were married in October 1997, she wrote this document to be signed in October 1998 after the specific date of 1 year 1 day of marriage. He waited until 3 days ago to have me sign it because I understand he wants to make a big investment in a business. I don't know if that means anything. I guess you're, right I should see someone, I just thought maybe I could ignore it if it was just a hoax on her part to break us up over this test of virtue. The pre nuptial states that he is not responsible for me in any way financially, income is separate etc. but, he is allowed to give me gifts. Maybe I also need to find out how I can document the little things he does give me to distinguish his (theirs) from mine.

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Diane

[david rigby]

I'm not an attorney either, but I second the previous opinion that you should seek competent legal advice. Make sure it is someone who has some knowledge of ERISA.

You may also be at risk of what you are giving up to him, not just what he is giving (or not giving) to you.

A spousal waiver under ERISA is a very significant thing. Tread very carefully. Not to be morbid, but since he is so much older than you, there is a strong likelihood that you will survive him. That probably has something to do with the attitude of his family towards you.

Let me be Dear Abby for a second: If his family (I assume that means his adult children) seem to be so concerned about what you might inherit (that is, to the exclusion of themselves), then it may be possible to avoid some conflict by having him gift items (or interest in these items) or assets while he is living. See competent estate planning legal advice. Another issue might be life insurance (on him) which is designed to pay estate taxes at his death.

Personal opinion: don't take advice from anyone who is selling anything other than advice.