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I suppose the lack of urgency is probably related to everyone's understanding that no one will pay back these distributions 😂

Fidelity suggests: “You may be able to request a refund of federal income taxes that you originally paid on the amount of your birth or adoption distribution if you timely file an amended federal income tax return for the applicable year(s).” https://nb.fidelity.com/bin-public/600_WI_PreLogin_English/documents/976801.1.0_QBOAD_Recontribution.pdf (emphasis added). But I found no Treasury rule and no IRS nonrule guidance that directly supports that statement. Some practitioners might guess it’s not happenstance that the three-year repayment period (for a QBAD received after December 29, 2022) aligns, somewhat, with a usual time for filing an amended return.

I read it as having to be an actual dollar amount-- IRS Notice 2002-45: https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-drop/n-02-45.pdf An HRA is an arrangement that: (1) is paid for solely by the employer and not provided pursuant to salary reduction election or otherwise under a § 125 cafeteria plan; (2) reimburses the employee for medical care expenses (as defined by § 213(d) of the Internal Revenue Code) incurred by the employee and the employee’s spouse and dependents (as defined in § 152); and (3) provides reimbursements up to a maximum dollar amount for a coverage period and any unused portion of the maximum dollar amount at the end of a coverage period is carried forward to increase the maximum reimbursement amount in subsequent coverage periods.

No, the wife should not attempt to return the monies to the Plan, it sounds like the Plan may have followed its processes with full disclosure of timing, and the Plan may be able to reject the return. Assuming she did a 100% rollover the ex-spouse's feet-dragging attorney could likely attempt to serve a QDRO to the IRA custodian, instead of further aggravating the situation with a b**ls**t c.y.a. move like a contempt charge.